Blog

(Written by Mickey Godfrey, MSW Intern Therapist. 11-17-25)

Setting Healthy Boundaries for a Happier Holiday

The holiday season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, it can also bring stress, exhaustion, and even emotional turmoil. The pressure to attend every event, please every relative, and maintain a facade of effortless joy is real.

As you navigate the season, remember this: setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's an act of self-preservation (Brown, 2010). Boundaries are the rules you establish to protect your time, energy, and well-being. They allow you to show up as your best self, not your most drained self.

Identify Your Needs and Non-Negotiables

Before you can communicate a boundary, you must define it. Take a moment to check in with yourself. This self-assessment process is crucial for preventing burnout (Maslach et al., 2001).

• Energy: How many gatherings can you realistically attend before you crash?

• Time: Do you need days off from socializing to recharge?

• Finances: What's your firm budget for gifts and travel?

Your non-negotiable might be: "I will not drink alcohol at family events," or "I will leave any gathering after two hours." Clarity is kindness—to yourself and others.

The Three Key Areas for Holiday Boundaries

• Time & Presence (Protecting your schedule and energy.)

"I'm so excited to see you! We can stay until 7 PM, as we have an early morning." (No long explanation needed.)

• Gifts & Money (Managing expectations for spending.)

"Thank you so much, but this year we're simplifying and only exchanging gifts for the kids." (Suggest an alternative, like a small charitable donation.)

• Personal Topics (Avoiding uncomfortable or triggering conversations, i.e., politics, weight, relationship status).

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to discuss that right now. How about we talk about [another topic]?" (A gentle but firm redirect.)

Practice Communication with "I" Statements

When stating a boundary, keep your tone calm, clear, and concise. Use "I" statements to own your feelings and needs without blaming others. This communication style promotes psychological safety and reduces defensiveness (Rogers, 1961).

Instead of: “You need to stop asking me about my job.”

Try: “I feel stressed when my career comes up at the dinner table, so I’m going to change the subject.”

Expect and Handle Pushback

It's common for people to test a new boundary, especially family. This doesn't mean you failed; it means they are used to the old dynamic.

• Repeat calmly: "I understand you're disappointed, but this is what I need to do for myself."

• Don't over-explain: The longer your explanation, the more material you give someone to argue with. A simple "No, thank you" is a complete sentence.

The goal is not to control others; the goal is to control how you respond and what you allow into your space. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of healthy boundaries. Your peace is worth protecting.

References:

• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazeldon. (A common, accessible reference for self-worth and boundaries.)

• Maslach, C., Schaufeli, W. B., & Leiter, M. P. (2001). Job burnout. Annual Review of Psychology, 52(1), 397-422. (A standard reference for concepts related to energy depletion and burnout.)

• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist's view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin. (A foundational reference for person-centered communication and empathy.)

(Written by Mickey Godfrey Jr., MSW Intern Therapist, 11-2-25)

Hello, and welcome to my practice! As a new MSW intern therapist, I’m deeply passionate about creating a supportive space for healing and growth. One area that truly resonates with me – and one I often see – is the complex experience of young adulthood, especially for BIPOC individuals.

Young adulthood is a period defined by change. We transition from education to career, from family homes to independent living, from adolescent identities to forming our adult selves. These shifts are universally challenging, but for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) young adults, these transitions can carry a unique weight of anxiety, often compounded by systemic factors and cultural expectations.

More Than Just "Growing Pains"

While every young adult navigates uncertainty, BIPOC young adults often face additional layers of stress:

• Racial Battle Fatigue: Moving into new spaces – be it a university campus, a corporate office, or a new neighborhood – can mean encountering microaggressions, overt racism, or the exhaustion of constantly code-switching. This isn't just an inconvenience; it's a chronic stressor that drains mental and emotional energy, fueling anxiety about belonging and safety.

• Imposter Syndrome with a Twist: The feeling of not being "good enough" is common, but for BIPOC individuals, it can be amplified by a lack of representation in leadership or professional roles. "Am I truly qualified, or am I here to fill a quota?" This question, often internalized, can create immense pressure and anxiety.

• Cultural and Familial Expectations: Many BIPOC young adults carry the hopes and dreams of their families and communities. The pressure to succeed, to be the "first" or to give back, while incredibly motivating, can also be a heavy burden. Decisions about career, relationships, and life paths can feel less like personal choices and more like collective responsibilities.

• Navigating New Systems: From healthcare to financial aid, or even just understanding bureaucratic processes, these systems are not always designed with cultural competence in mind. The anxiety of being misunderstood or navigating structures not built for you can be overwhelming.

• The Weight of Current Events: Living in an era where racial injustices are constantly highlighted can profoundly impact mental well-being. Watching current events unfold, while simultaneously trying to build a future, can lead to feelings of hopelessness, anger, and heightened anxiety about personal safety and the future.

Finding Your Place

It’s crucial to acknowledge that these aren’t just individual struggles but societal ones. If you are a BIPOC young adult navigating these transitions, please know: you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.

Here are a few initial thoughts on how to find strength amidst these anxieties:

1. Acknowledge and Validate: Don’t minimize your experiences. Your anxiety is a natural response to complex pressures.

2. Seek Community: Connect with others who share similar lived experiences. Finding spaces where you feel seen and understood can be incredibly affirming.

3. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no, protect your energy, and disengage from situations that are emotionally draining or racially insensitive.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself through the ups and downs. You are doing your best.

5. Consider Therapy: As a therapist, I believe deeply in the power of a safe, confidential space to explore these challenges. Finding a therapist, especially one who understands cultural nuances, can provide tools, strategies, and validation as you navigate your unique path.

You Deserve Support

Transition periods are tough for everyone, but for BIPOC young adults, they come with unique stressors that deserve specific attention and understanding. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just need a space to process, please reach out. My aim is to walk alongside you, offering support and guidance as you build the fulfilling life you deserve.

I'm here to listen!

References:

Cokley, K., et al. (2017). The roles of racial discrimination and imposter phenomenon in the career self-efficacy and vocation choice of people of color. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(3), 299-310.

Smith, W. A. (2008). Racial battle fatigue: The psychological and physiological effects of racism on persons of color. Critical Race Perspectives.

Sue, D. W., et al. (2007). Racial microaggressions in everyday life: Implications for clinical practice. American Psychologist, 62(4), 271–286.

Written by Mickey Godfrey, MSW Intern and Delilah De Kay, LMSW (9-29-25)

Emotions are biological signals that prompt us to act. Sometimes they’re helpful, like thirst guiding us to drink water or hunger leading us to eat. Other times, they can push us toward behaviors that aren’t in our best interest. The Opposite Action skill gives us another option. Instead of automatically reacting, we can pause and choose intention over impulse.

Emotions serve a vital function by preparing us to act in specific, adaptive ways (Hwang & Matsumoto, 2025). These feelings are essentially signals that prompt us toward behaviors necessary for our well-being. This can be seen in everyday examples, such as thirst prompting us to drink water, hunger leading us to eat, and fatigue signaling us that we need to rest.

Some emotions, despite their initial intensity, can lead to unhelpful or even damaging behaviors. The concept of Opposite Action provides a valuable tool for these situations, inviting us to deliberately act contrary to our initial emotional urge. By consciously choosing a different response, we can create space to shift our experience, regulate our emotions, and move toward a more constructive outcome rather than being controlled by an unhelpful impulse.

Opposite Action is one of those skills that can feel simple in theory but surprisingly powerful in practice. Think about how our emotions often try to steer our behavior:

• Anger pushes us toward attacking or defending

• Shame tells us to shrink away and hide

• Fear urges us to run

• Depression convinces us to stop moving

• Disgust makes us want to turn away

• Guilt presses us to repair or make amends

While these urges can sometimes be useful, they aren’t always the best guide for how we want to live our lives. This is where Opposite Action comes in. Instead of following the emotion’s lead, we intentionally choose to act in the opposite direction. That might look like showing kindness instead of lashing out in anger, lifting your head and making eye contact when shame creeps in, or facing something head-on when fear says to escape. With depression, it can mean getting up and doing something active even when every part of you wants to shut down. When disgust tempts you to push away, the opposite is staying present. And with guilt, the healthiest opposite isn’t to avoid. It’s to lean in, apologize, and genuinely follow through.

Of course, knowing the concept is one thing and putting it into practice is another. Three tips make a big difference:

• Recognize that doing what your emotion urges often keeps that emotion alive or even makes it stronger. For example, if you are feeling sad and all you want to do is stay in bed all day, staying in bed will probably make you feel even more stuck and drained. Getting up, moving around, or doing something small and active gives your mood a chance to shift instead of sinking deeper.

• Choosing the opposite usually helps the intensity fade, giving you some breathing room.

• Commit fully. Even if it feels awkward or forced at first, acting as though you believe in the skill gives it the space to actually take effect.

The truth is, emotions aren’t always reliable guides for action. They’re signals, not commands. By practicing Opposite Action, you give yourself the ability to step back, choose differently, and sometimes even transform the emotional experience itself. It’s a straightforward yet highly effective tool that anyone can try. The best way to learn how it works is to experiment. Try it out in real situations and notice what shifts. You may find that, over time, choosing the opposite can open up a path to resilience, connection, and growth.

References:

• DBT.tools. (2025). Opposite Action Skill. DBT Tools. Retrieved August 5, 2025, from https://dbt.tools/emotional_regulation/opposite-action.php

• James Madison University. (n.d.). Changing Emotions By Doing The Opposite. https://www.jmu.edu/counselingctr/self-help/general/doing-the-opposite.shtml 

• Hwang, H. & Matsumoto, D. (2025). Functions of emotions. In R. Biswas-Diener & E. Diener (Eds), Noba textbook series: Psychology. Champaign, IL: DEF publishers. Retrieved from http://noba.to/w64szjxu